Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Forgiveness Is Key

I'm working really hard to forgive James right now. Forgiveness is important, right?

Cullen took his first steps last Wednesday. Of course, he took them at daycare, so I wasn't there to see it happen. When Marie told me that afternoon, I cried on the floor at the daycare. That's right, I cried. On the floor. I'm a total grown up.

If we go way back to last May and review this story from the beginning, you have to know that I never wanted to move to Houston. The weather is terrible, the traffic is awful, and (other than Lupe Tortilla and a few select people) there are very few redeeming qualities. I haven't had a "good" hair day in over a year. Except that time when I went out of town.

James has wanted to move to Houston since we graduated from Baylor. When he got laid off last April, James put effort into finding a job in Houston. Since I was pregnant, I told him I didn't care as long as I got to stay home with our wee little baby. When James accepted his job with IS&T and asked me to move to Houston, it was guaranteed that I would never have to go back to work unless I wanted to.

Now, I completely get that guarantees really aren't guarantees, and bad things do happen, but I was beyond upset when I had to go back to work. I don't want to miss milestones for my child. They only happen once! And now I've missed his first steps. Never to happen "first" again. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry again. I don't want to be upset with James that I missed those first steps, but it sure is tough.

And, of course, Cullen is becoming increasingly vocal these days. He says mama all the time, but now all I can think when I hear it is that he's trying to say Marie, since he doesn't look at me when he says it. In all honesty, he's probably just babbling, but it hurts.

I tried to contain the Houston complaints when I was at home, because I got to spend quality time with my little guy, but I'm pretty sure I gripe a little more with each passing week. I'm hoping that I'll be posting about us moving back to Austin by this time next year. I think two years here is all I can take.

xoxo Ashley

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