In December, Cullen had his martial arts promotion. He now has a white belt with a yellow stripe. I'm sure that means something to someone somewhere.
James was supposed to attend the promotion, as I'm already spending so much time out of the office, but he wasn't able to. At the last minute, I hauled out of work to make it. Because Harrison won't take a bottle, I'm using my breaks to go feed him. Here's how things go when you have two kids who need you in separate places at the same time.
I left the office and went to the school with the intention of walking with Cullen to martial arts. They had already left, and I could hear Harrison crying in his classroom. I grabbed Harrison, put him in his stroller, and ran (not even kidding here) in my four inch heels to martial arts.
I get there, and Cullen is sitting on the floor crying, because he is the only one there without a parent. He lights up when he sees that I've arrived. He asks me where Daddy is. He cries when he hears that Daddy isn't coming.
The rest of the ceremony goes pretty well. I'm proud of Cullen and the growth he is showing. He's turning into a pretty good listener. Each child receives their belt from the teacher and goes back to his place on the mat. At this time, the parents are supposed to join their son on the mat to tie on his new belt and tell him some of the reasons you love him. You have sixty seconds. Then, your son has sixty seconds to tell you why he loves you.
I spend my sixty seconds balancing a nursing baby on one knee while I tie Cullen's belt on. I'm proud of myself for managing this. I tell him that he's "my best big boy." I tell him how proud he makes me. How he makes my heart happy. How he will always be my boy.
Cullen's sixty seconds? "I don't want you here. I wanted Daddy here." I start to cry. "Well don't cry about it. I just love him more." I continue to cry, because I am a blubbering mess. "I love the way you pour my milk in a cup for me." And that is how a boy tells you he loves you.
Congrats anyway, big guy. I promise to never tell you that I love someone more than you. Even if you did it to me first.